Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
