god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
