so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
40s are totally the cure
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
