Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
