Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Farmville is her only friend.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
