hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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