your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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