I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How naked do you want me to be?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
