i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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