Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you had me at cake vodka
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
