when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
