He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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