I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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