tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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