Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
