he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
