I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I currently don't understand fingers.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
