Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
