Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
