My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
