She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize