I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
