grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
