I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize