Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
