stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
