I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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