remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
