I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
