I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
