I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
