I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
