My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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