first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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