You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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