I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
