You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
