my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Someone shattered a urinal.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
