Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Don't make out with my wife yet
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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