I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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