Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
