I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
