i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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