Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
