I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
