Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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