Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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