you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
