whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
