This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We are two peas in an std pod
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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