i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
