Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
