So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
