and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
