i may or may not be watching the land before time
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize