i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She bit a glass in half.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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