So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Randomize
