And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
