My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
