You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
