I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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