The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
