why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
