did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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