pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
