he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
