i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
